Friday, April 2, 2010

A Pasty Disaster.

Yes. I said pasty. Um...have you ever worn those pasty bras that are like silicone rubber stickers? (See Exhibit A)
Well I decided to wear these last night for three distinct reasons:

A) I am considering suggesting my backless brides with busty areas (or B -1/2 ladies like myself) to use these.
B) I think the ides of silicone stickers on ones nipple-hills is entirely too cool.
C) I had on one of those outfits that tend to make your breasts look like they are banging your knees if you go bra-less.

Let me say....AAAaaHHHH!!!!! Now I am not a drinker. I have a glass of wine or in the case of last night; some champagne, and I dance to the melody in my head. (Not the actual melody playing.) So my two girlfriends and I end up in a place called Shadow Room in DC, which we heard from a promoter friend is very nice on Thursdays. It certainly is! It was full when we got there and it did not slow down until the night was over. As usual, we ended up in VIP because we saw someone, who knew someone, who's birthday it was, and yada yada. We end up adjacent to Raheem Devaughn and his hooligans and we just stood on the couch (not necessarily by choice)---- and danced the night away. I wish the story ended here. 

By the time we were forced to stand on the couch, because there were certainly more people in this place than the law should and likely does allow, it was a sweat box. Our curls teetered on the verge of absolute frizzdom, and my silk one piece suit began to cling to my skin like a wet piece of paper. Nonetheless ( I had made a new friend named Asia and I was quite enjoying pretending to be a gangster to any and every Jay-Z song.)----I persisted. Then it happened. The pasties lost their paste. 

All of a sudden there was a weight around my waist. I looked down and I had two pairs of boobs, one where they certainly should be, and the other somewhere in my navel area. THEN the camera guy crawls over a couch to get a shot, someone grabs me and SNAP!!! Its written in history forever. The four-breasted beast of DC.

I was able to pull them back up for a moment but by this time I'm sweaty and no good at all because the paste was clearly gone. I finally sank all the way down on the couch as if to send a text, and slid them off. My only option was to place them behind the couch because my tiny snatch wouldn't fit them!!!!!

I hope you are laughing your you know what off, because that was certainly one of the funniest things that will NEVER happen to me again~! Death to silicone pasties! (Unless you are wearing them somewhere you wont sweat....duh!)

Have a nice weekend. Oh! I saw Tiger and Elin there and they said hi:

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